Dipping my toe into the wallowing pool

Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in my own ass-hole-ism. There are times when I feel I should really be speaking to people like I’m this amazing person that I really aspire to be. Other times, (like, when my skills really aren’t paying any bills) I feel ridiculous about the choices I’ve made in my life and just want to slink back to my corner and cry over my student loan bill.

I’ve really been struggling with my work and getting it out to the “right people”. There’s a whole dog chasing its tail thing going on with money. I make a little money and I have to spend it on a bill or new tires. Then I’m broke again. I’m working my ass off on product and sending pitches to boutiques along with line sheets and price lists. Research is exhausting and I really wish I had gone to school for this. What did I go to school for? Animation. HAHAHAHAHA! Boy, that degree is really paying for itself! Trying not to feel sorry for myself is the hard part. I made all of the decisions that put me here. Maybe this is just a low point that I can laugh about later?! Gross.

The funny thing is even when I’m feeling sorry for myself the creating doesn’t stop. That part of my brain hasn’t stopped at any point in all of this. *Shakes fist at the sky* What does it all mean?!! Maybe I’m possessed by a spirit who likes to make things and enjoys nothing but a steady diet of carbs and citrus.

Anyway through all of this, my experimentation has led me to some results I’m quite pleased with. So, I’ll just move on to that for now.

Image

I’ve had this idea sketched out for quite a while but, I thought there was an issue with my kiln. Turns out there wasn’t. It was just a testy outlet. Anyway, it’s a sugar skull necklace. I wanted to have the piece be interesting on both sides. The front side is the enamel skull and the back part would be a pierced piece. The black underside of the enamel provides the negative space.

sugar skull fnb

It’s still a little rough-looking, but I’m pretty proud of something I made from sketch to final product. It can only get better, right?

Here’s some geometric experimentation with gold leafing. I friggin’ LOVE gold leaf! I want to gold leaf everything!

enamel pendants

Gold just classes everything up a little.

enamel 2frings

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned how much I love my prehistoric kiln. It’s one of my most coveted tools to date. It helped me make these yummy 2 finger rings. I also finally made a color chart for some of the transparent enamels so colors can be mixed without any nail-biting. Here are some better pics of the rings:

Nalgene bblgm2

Nalgene blubll3

Nalgene shamrock3

Sometimes I’m fascinated by the depth and intricacies of the color that comes out. You can get them in my shop here.

Looking at these items again makes me temporarily forget what I’m going through in order to create them. I guess that’s the point right? I know that someone will always be better at it than me. I accept that fully and it will never stop me from chasing my dreams. My love for it is what will always get me to keep going. It’s the only constant in my life. Always there challenging me, bringing me to tears, breaking my heart, filling me with joy, pushing me, comforting me, calming me, consoling me, inspiring me…

I’ll just keep my head down and push through. It’s worth it.

In the meantime I’ll leave you with this little nugget from one of my favorite bands of all time. Top 5 at least…

 

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